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Comprehending
Engineers |
Comprehending Engineers - Take
One
Two engineering students were
walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a
great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful
woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took
off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." "The
second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers - Take
Two
To the optimist, the glass is half
full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer,
the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending Engineers - Take
Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer
were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been
waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't
know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey,
here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."
[dramatic pause] "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead
of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greenskeeper
replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They
lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent
for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will
say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good
idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if
there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why
can't these guys play at night?"
Comprehending Engineers - Take
Four
There was an engineer who had an
exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his
company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years
later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible
problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the
machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the
retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the
past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day
studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small
"x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and
stated, "This is where your problem is". The part was
replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company
received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They
demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer
responded briefly: One chalk mark $1 Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
Comprehending Engineers - Take
Five
What is the difference between
Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build
weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers - Take
Six
The graduate with a Science degree
asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering
degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an
Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The
graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries
with that?"
Comprehending Engineers - Take
Seven
Three engineering students were
gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human
body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all
the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections." The last said, "Actually it was a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
recreational area?"
Comprehending Engineers - Take
Eight
"Normal people ... believe
that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it
ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet." --- Scott
Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Comprehending Engineers - Take
Nine
An architect, an artist and an
engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with
the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his
wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The
artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like
both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a
wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time
with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work
done."
Comprehending Engineers - Take
Ten
An engineer was crossing a road one
day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me,
I'll turn into a beautiful princess. He bent over, picked up the
frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If
you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay
with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then
cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the
engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told
you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and
do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer
said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
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